Super Bowl Sunday !

Super Bowl Sunday !.

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Super Bowl Sunday !

Once again we have reached a date on the sporting calendar that is universally recognized and brings fans and non-fans alike together for a day of fun and football bonding. Food will be served, drinks will be had and rampant gambling will run wild across our great country. Much like I did for Detroit Tigers Opening Day (another monumental sports day) I felt compelled to share a few tips to help you and the people who have to put up with you enjoy their day to the utmost.

Now, this is going to seem like I am being a bit sexist (and rest assured I am) but ladies a significant amount of this rant will involve you. Here is the thing, we love that for one day at least you are going to participate with us in a football Sunday without us getting the “shouldn’t you be cleaning the garage?” look every time we grab another snack or crack a fresh malted beverage. We think you look absolutely lovely in your form fitting Marshawn Lynch jersey with the Seahawk temporary tattoo on your cheek. It works for us, it really does. We are not even that offended that you somehow think that bringing a bottle of Chardonnay to the party is appropriate. We have bigger fish (and chicken wings) to fry so it is really not a big deal that wine and football go together about as well as orange juice and toothpaste. It is Super Bowl Sunday, the Holy Grail of NFL Sundays and if wine must be served, so be it.

Another thing for the lovely ladies. Understand that you are the only ones who care about the halftime show. Every year this train wreck somehow finds a way to out awful itself and leave millions with bleeding ears and a wringing headache. The fact that it seems to go on for roughly 2 hours doesn’t help matters one bit. When every male in the party finds a reason to simultaneously make a sandwich, go to the restroom and check the air pressure on the car tires that will be your cue that the halftime debacle is on the way. Please use this time wisely and feel free to steal prime seats on the couch or in the La Z Boy, trust me, we don’t mind.

A significant part of Super Bowl Sunday is food. It is fantastic. It is one of those no rules, no limit kind of days when no one is judging the pile of wing bones gathering on your plate or the nacho cheese splattered on the front of your shirt. Here is where things can go a bit wrong. You girls love Pinterest. You love being creative. Most of the time this is no big deal. Sure we have choked down a couple of goofy ass veggie casserole recipes or smiled lovingly as you showed us the windmill you lovingly crafted from recycled Diet Coke cans. It’s ok, you open up Christmas gifts from us every year and pretend to like them so it’s all good. That being said, Super Bowl is not the time to go and try to reinvent the culinary wheel. You may think the cucumber, spinach, Greek yogurt roll ups with feta cheese in a whole wheat wrap look fantastic but please, for the love of all things holy not on Super Bowl Sunday. I am telling you keep it simple and stick with the 4 main food groups. Nachos in any form, Chicken Wings in any form, All things Pizza and of course the basic meats and cheeses. You are welcome.

It may appear that I have been a little harsh on the ladies and I know many out there are actually big time football fans. They know the “nickel defense” is actually a defensive formation and does not involve guarding their purses. To you ladies, I raise my beer in salute. And fellas, just because I have had a little fun with the girls doesn’t mean you are off the hook today. Don’t be the militant “Squares” guy, don’t double dip the 7 layer dip and for petes sake put away the “Smedium” Elway jersey you have had since ’99. Ok guys, have a blast today and ladies you know I love you ! Please read and share and follow on Twitter @Craiger211