Brady Hoke has reduced me to this !

Tonight is going to be a rough night for this guy, real rough.  I am not talking trapped in a Turkish prison and forced to watch a never ending loop of the Kardashians tough, but tough none the less.  To get it in perspective imagine being stuck in your car on a 9 hour road trip and the only channel that would come in was the all Pitbull station.  Now that you can understand the trouble I am in you are probably asking, good lord Craig what could you possibly be facing that has put you in this position ?

Well folks, I will tell you what it is.  It is the Big Ten Championship football game tonight from lovely Indianapolis, Indiana.  I know what you are thinking, you love football, how could this game drive you to this point ?  I know.  It seems backwards, this time of year is generally a glorious time for football fans.  You wanna know how it got ruined, blame Brady Hoke.

How can one man, albeit a hefty fella, ruin a championship game ?  By letting his sorry ass Wolverines let a bunch of jackwagons from Ohio State and Michigan State treat his team like the proverbial 90 pound weakling.  Hoke and his staff couldn’t find Indianapolis on a map if it only included the state of Indiana.  Big Ten Championship game ?  Who needs that we are busy preparing our team for the Rotella Cheese Crock Pot Nacho Dip bowl in lovely Compton,Ca.  Good grief.  

So, the ineptitude of my favorite team has left me stuck with a championship game featuring the two teams I despise the most.  Thanks for that Brady, what the hell did I ever do to you ?  Okay, enough coach bashing for a minute but this does bring up the point of my problem for tonight.  How in the hell am I supposed to enjoy this mess of a game and for God’s sake should I have a rooting interest.  Frankly, there is only one possible satisfactory outcome in my eyes but I don’t think a SARS outbreak on both teams forcing the game to be cancelled is gonna happen.  Settle down folks, not fatal cases, just football season ending, relax.  

Faced with a dilemma of this magnitude I did what any other beaten man would do, I cracked a cold beer and got to thinking,  You see, my scenario had to involve there somehow being a winner of this stinking game yet setting both teams and their fan bases up for eventual embarassment and heartache.  Somewhere in the outer recesses of my dimly lit brain a plan began to form.  Like a far off light in a tunnel I could finally see it coming to me.  It was gonna take a little luck and some divine intervention (I think Bo Schembechler may have a hand in this) to get it done.  This is not easy because coming up with a scenario so ghastly that both teams end up crushed is not easy to do.  

You see, I want neither team to achieve anything significant but I am forced to deal with the fact that one of these asshat coaches is actually gonna see a goal accomplished.  Which is more palatable Urban Meyer playing for a National Championship or Mark Dantonio and the Spartans going to the Rose Bowl for the first time since Ronald Reagan was President ?  Neither.   So, here is the best I could do.  I think OSU needs to win this game in a squeaker 3 to 2 on a last minute field goal.  You know the Spartan D is gonna score so I gave them the safety !  The way I see it the national experts already think the Big Ten is a joke (It is and Brady Hoke should be ashamed to go 3-5 in that dumpster fire of a conference) so they will be duly outraged by this disgusting game.  OSU will get jumped in the polls by a 1 loss SEC team and will miss out on a National Championship shot.  MSU will drop so far in the BCS polls they will no longer qualify for any BCS game let alone the Rose Bowl and they will get to enjoy the holidays in Waco, Tx playing in the Carabba’s Italian Grill Fettucini bowl.  I know this is a long shot but a Wolverine can dream right ?  Anyway, just having a little fun and I know I have many Spartan friends in particular who will be having heart palpitations over this game.  

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